A New Song, An old Post

I wrote this shortly after returning to Chad in March 2018....I forgot about it and found it the other day when I was looking through some of my blog drafts. Reading this over, challenged me again to continue pressing on in this journey called Life.

"Sing to the Lord a new song"...Psalm 98:1

The word 'song' has been coming up lately in my devotions...just the other day I read (paraphrase) "He is my strength and my song"....and I was inspired and encouraged and reminded of where I can find that kind of refreshment and inspiration. When I think of 'song' I think of joy (dancing to the beat!), telling a story, emotions, passion, and a way to express yourself. Our lives too, can be a song for God.

Getting used to wearing skirts and headscarves in Chad.

The Psalmist was encouraging us that as the waves of change come and go, doors close and new ones open...in those seasons of starting over, that is our chance to begin something new with God in our lives as well. To 'sing a new song' is to take advantage of the blank canvas before you (a new day, a new place, a new ministry, new ideas, new focus etc) and re-dedicate your daily life to the Lord...and together, write a new song that gives Him glory, that tells His story, that worships Him, that tells of His faithfulness and provision through life's sunny and stormy days...and have that joy in your heart that comes when you 'sing'!

As we begin our next two year term in Chad, I am inspired to sing a new song...it is a fresh start, journeying together with the Lord, waiting to see what He has in store for our family. We are different people than when we first arrived on Chadian soil in 2013....since then, we've had major ups and downs, unexpected detours, lots of life lessons learned (we are still learning them!) but as a result, we know ourselves more deeply, our Saviour has proven Himself time and time again over the years which has increased our faith, and we have more life experience to guide us as we live out our ministry and family life. We feel better equipped to undertake these next two years in Chad with purpose and joy.

So, I'm excited to continue on this journey of learning, serving, loving and living in this dusty and hot Saharan country. I wonder what the lyrics to this new song will be....

Reflections on the second year of living in Chad

Ok, so here is part 2 of my 'reflections on my time in Chad so far'.....

Evie was 10 weeks old when we hopped on a plane and headed back to Chad (October 2014). It really is a bit of a blur but I do remember enjoying thanksgiving with our families just days before our return flight and thinking....I'm really gonna miss this. Goodbye hugs, tears and 'see you soon's' and then we were off, back to the place that I really didn't like.

I had one major fear as I flew back to Chad: Would it be exactly like the first year? Fraught with health problems?  A daily struggle just to 'be'? Several close friends and family knew this was a major deal to me going back and I knew they had been and would continue to pray for me in this transition...and I had given that fear to God, and replaced it with hope. Hope that things were going to be way different this time around. Hope that my health wouldn't be an issue. Hope that I would be able to speak with more ease in french. Hope that I would thrive and not just survive.

It has been 1.5 years since returning to Chad, and I am happy to report that it WAS different! There were still struggles and frustrations but they didn't play the main role in my daily life anymore. There were more normal times, happy times, contented times than not. I am so thankful for that, and God's blessing in that way. It has made a world of difference here in Chad.

Leaving that difficult year behind me and pressing on into my second year in Chad, God continued to teach me important life lessons. This year, the theme that stuck out quite clearly to me in what I read, talked about, heard from others was the idea of abiding in Him. I began to realize more than ever that anything good that ever comes out of me, is because of God.

We were talking about this topic at our ladies group one day and someone shared her struggle of feeling useless, and lost here in Chad. She began questioning why God had brought her to Chad as she couldn't speak french, she didn't have any kind of ministry herself and she just felt like 'what was the point'? And then the Lord spoke the verse " I am the vine, you are the branches. If a man remains (abides) in me, and I in him, he will bear much fruit. Apart from me, you can do nothing."

She then realized that her job was to remain in Him. Abide. That it wasn't about what she could do for God, and that there wasn't this checklist of things that if she did them she would be exactly what God wanted her to be....nope....she just needed to abide. Stay close. Fill herself with Him and his words. He loved her just for who she is. Not what she did or does. So often missionaries get so caught up in this checklist of being a "good missionary"...and they forget to actually abide in Him. Remember that part about 'apart from me, you can do nothing?" yup. Without remaining/abiding close to God, spending time with Him, filling your hearts and minds up with His words.....the 'work' we do is empty and lacking in joy. The deep joy that is not dependent on your situation, but one that remains no matter what happens.

 I really connected with what she was saying and realized that I had been putting these pressures on myself to have a ministry outside the home.  A good thing to strive for but for me, it was leaving me dissatisfied and frustrated as a homemaker. I realized that I had to realign my vision, my purpose, and my daily role to first and foremost, abide in Him. Stop trying to do things on my own and in my own timing and start inviting God into all aspects of my days.

My mindset slowly started to change and instead of focusing on what I wasn't doing (that I thought I should be doing), I started doing what I know God has called me to do at this point in my life (being a mom and wife) and also began to be more intentional about abiding.
What does that look like for me exactly? Well, I didn't all of a sudden become this holier than thou spiritual mother and wife....no, it was more in the little things, like being more intentional about reading the Word, posting important verses around the kitchen to be reminded throughout the days and to refocus my mind on the things that really mattered. It meant turning my negative, complainy attitude into thankfulness. It meant asking for and striving for the fruits of the spirit to be evident in the way I interacted with my husband and kids. It meant pouring my heart and soul into the life that God called me to, here in Chad. But not doing it in my own strength, but in God's strength. It meant living my life with God as my number 1. Letting Him into every aspect of my day....my thoughts (that they would be pleasing to Him), my work (that I would serve with joy), my interactions with others (that I would show His love), and my words (that they would build up and not tear down). Staying close to Him in all that I do, say and think, letting Him fill me with Him. That is what abiding has meant to me. 

I still have a looooooong ways to go and God is still teaching me that I need to have Him in all parts of my life and days....some days are great and others a miserable failure. But change doesn't happen overnight right? Let's just say that Chad is literally a 'refining fire' and I'm thankful that 'He who has begun a great work in me will one day bring it to completion'. 

Our crazy first year in Chad

If someone would have told me when we first arrived here on May 10, 2013 at 1 pm in the 50 degree heat, that we would be staying here in Chad longer than our first required term (3.5 years), I would have probably slapped them. 

Seriously, when I stepped off the plane and headed into the indescribable heat of Chad and then further into the chaos and insanity of the 'airport'....I thought....oh my word.....just where have we moved to? I wish I could say it got a whole lot better and easier after that....but it didn't. It got worse. Way worse. 

Our first year in Chad would be characterized by health problems, hospital stays, a miscarriage, difficulty with language, ridiculous driving conditions, pregnancy sickness, major struggles with the heat and also feeling lonely to highlight a few. Sounded like fun eh? 

We left after 1 year of living  in Chad to go back to Canada to have Evelinne, and we actually came back to Chad 6 months later. Why you ask? Part of me thinks ya, why did we come back? There was really nothing good (for me at least) to come back to.....as my first year had been tainted with such awful experiences. Why in heavens name would I come back to a place that held such suffering and misery for me? 

Well, I didn't want to throw in the towel just yet, and I wanted to see if things were going to be different this time around with my health and if I could overcome the struggles I had with driving, language, loneliness etc. I couldn't quit before I had given it a fair go. Plus, I knew in my heart that this is where God wanted me to be for this time....and I held onto the lessons that He had taught me throughout my struggles in my first year of living on what seemed to me like a different planet.

Looking back on the 3 years we have lived in Chad, I can honestly say that I have learned so much and been challenged spiritually, emotionally and physically 1000 times more than I could have been back in Canada. God knows exactly where we need to be for Him to shape us into who He wants us to be....and for me, that place is Chad. (On a bad day I ask....WHY not a cooler place??? On a good day, I thank Him for not giving up on me and for loving me enough to relocate me halfway around the world to the only place I could have learned these important truths about who He is and who He wants me to be).

Interestingly enough, 3 main words/phrases stood out to me as I was reflecting back on our time here in N'Djamena, each word represented the theme of the lesson God was teaching me in that year and this is something I want to share with you all.

In the first year, the Phrase that stood out to me, that I kept on encountering over and over in my reading, in my praying, in my journalling and in my talking to others and reflecting on my experiences was that 'when everything is taken away from you, God is enough and God is there'.

 I remember several weeks after my miscarriage I ended up back in the bush hospital (no running water, no electricity, no food/water provided, oh and it was 40 plus degrees) with a major skin infection (cellulitis) in my arm and I had had a friend drive me to this hospital as Phil was out flying that day....the Doctor admitted me right away and so there I was, alone, in the this room at the very corner of the hospital, sweating like a beast, waiting for Phil to arrive and bring me some food/water and some sheets and a pillow. It was pitch black by the time he arrived (his flight was delayed and then he had to sort out the kids and pack for sleeping over at the hospital with me) and he found me, laying in the pitch dark, on a vinyl mattress, in the heat, in pain and just at a serious low point and he said he felt like crying for me. 

I remember waiting for Phil to arrive, and just battling with God....one minute I would be so angry with Him and wondering why all this was happening as hadn't we sacrificed enough for Him to come to a very difficult place like Chad and we'd given up being close to our families and friends, given up the comforts of life, given up nice weather, and being able to wear what we wanted, given up speaking English and having modern stores and roads and given up the only way of life I had ever known......and then the next minute I would be thanking God for his provision of good British Doctors at this sketchy hospital and for the people who were stepping up to take care of our kids for us. 

I do remember very clearly as I was laying in my hot bed during my 5 day stay there, as I was complaining to God about all the things we had sacrificed for Him and why was He letting us go through all of this etc....I remember a clear voice saying to me "Haven't I given up everything for you?". Pause. Gulp. Yup. God gave up His ONLY SON for me, so that I could come freely to Him. The ultimate sacrifice. That most definitely trumped my list of sacrifices. That wasn't to downplay the serious struggles we had been through (and would continue to encounter as the year went on) but it just put things into perspective and helped me to focus more on what God was trying to teach me through it all rather than just complain about it. 

I would like to say that this realization after being in Chad for only 4 months at the time of my arm infection, meant that I was good to go for the rest of our time here in Chad, but nope...I guess I am a slow learner. Many more trials and difficulties came our way during that first year and I left Chad on May 1, 2014 to have Evelinne in Canada and I remember having a conversation (more like me bawling my eyes out) with Phil on how much I hated living here. Yup. I said it. Hope you realize now that missionaries are just normal people who struggle with the same stuff you all struggle with. God was faithful to me as he was trying to teach me this lesson that He is enough when everything else is taken away (health, family, comfort, friends, home culture etc). 

Believe you me, by the time I stepped onto that plane to head back to Canada, that lesson had been drilled into my head, an important one to learn early on, as when you think about it, nothing in this life that we have is certain....everything and anything can be taken away or lost at any time....we in Canada have a false sense of security and it took me moving to Chad to figure it out, but the only thing we can be certain about is God. Who He is: unchanging (that means He's the same God in Canada as he is in Chad), that you can count on Him to walk with you through the darkness and give you exactly what you need to make it through. 

No promises it's gonna be easy, in fact, there are more verses in the Bible telling those who believe in God that it's gonna be hard, and that we will suffer but that we can cling to the One who never changes, who is totally in control, who knows the future, who does what is best for us (doesn't mean He does what we think is best for us)....all of which are such important truths for someone who feels like their whole world as they know it is shifting daily as they try to navigate this new life in a new place. 

So, on October 15, 2014, I, Merilee Henderson once again, stepped off the plane in N'Djamena but this time, I knew it was going to be different, and it was. 

Stay tuned for Part 2.....

(This has already become a bit of a novel (congrats to those who read this far down!) so I am going to highlight the 2 other themes of my time here in Chad in another blog post.) 

Thanks for all your prayers, your support, your friendships and encouragement. God is doing a good work here in Chad....not only in me but in many others who are also living, working and learning some crazy God lessons here in Chad!

Ideas from an Ex-pat Kitchen: Homemade Spaghetti Sauce

Before living in Chad, I had never made spaghetti sauce from scratch....I mean...why would I when there are so many choices of bottled sauces for a decent price? Well, now that those bottles of spaghetti sauce cost $5 for half the size.....I was thrown into the deep end of making my spaghetti sauce from scratch. It has been 2 years in the making, and I am happy to say that I think I have a winner! My family can attest to the fact that it has taken me a while, lots of tweaking, adding this and taking out that.....to get the flavor we all like. I have used several recipes, mixed them together and added some of my own extras too (the kids had no idea that there was so many vegetables mixed in!!!).....so for those out there who want to ditch the bottled sauce and go 'natural', or for those other ex-pats who haven't quite found the right combination of ingredients for their sauce.....try this one one.....I hope you like it as much as we do!

 Homemade Spaghetti Sauce

-2 large cans of diced or whole tomatoes
-1 teaspoon each of Oregano and Basil
-1 teaspoon of garlic powder (or 4 cloves crushed)
-1 teaspoon salt
-1 bay leaf
-3-4 Tablespoons sugar
-2 Beef oxo cubes
-1/4 teaspsoon of Pepper
-1 chopped onion (optional)
-1/2 Cup zucchini, peeled and chopped
-1 medium size carrot, peeled and chopped
-1/2 green pepper, chopped
-1/8 C fresh Spinach, chopped (I found if you put too much spinach in, you can taste it!)

1) Throw all ingredients into a medium size cooking pot, bring to a boil, then simmer for 45 minutes to an hour, stirring occasionally. The sauce is done when the veggies are soft and cooked through.

2) Remove from heat, pick out the Bay leaf, and then use an immersion blender to blend all ingredients together, or if you don't have one, you can use a regular blender to puree the sauce. Add already browned/cooked ground beef if you like or keep it the way it is and have a meatless sauce.

3) Serve or freeze for later. Serves 6-8 adults.

*This is a very easy recipe to play around with....change up the quantity of tomatoes for a larger family, and just add a bit more of each ingredient. The best part of this sauce is how many vegetables are in it, and your kids won't be able to pick them out!

A Photo Update of our first 2 months back in Chad

It has already been close to 2 months since we left Canada and headed back to Chad. Time has flown by....but it has been a good time thus far. We are preparing for a desert Christmas which is always a bit weird for the Canadian inside of me (although can't say I miss the snow and cold at all!)....but we'll make it memorable despite the fact we'll be wearing t-shirts and flip flops and drinking ice water instead of hot chocolate! Anyways, thanks for thinking of us, praying for us and sending us your love via email and facebook. Our family Christmas gift came a bit early this year....awesome internet!!! So, we plan to be way more in touch with everyone back in Canada via facebook, blog posts and even skype!

In no particular order....these are snapshots of what we do and see on a daily basis....nothing thrilling but a good overall picture of daily life.

Evie loving her bath...a little squished but she doesn't seem to mind.

Chatting with the miracle workers at 'John the Tailor's"...
amazing what they do with a foot powered sewing machine.

Kaitlyn getting a taste of horseback riding at a local horse farm.

Lily the animal lover enjoyed every minute with her pony friend.

Evie and the Tortoise.

Reading buddies.

The MAF Crew.

Lots of people say she looks like him.

Birthday meal! Sharing an oreo milkshake
(aka chocolate milk with whipped cream on top and an oreo on top of that....
for $8. 

Baking beauties.

Josephine displaying one of her many talents.

Abdouleye and Zam enjoying a fresh catch of the day before work.
Zam is one of our guards here and his son Abdouleye does odd jobs around MAF.

Serious money maker here in HOT chad....they made $10 at the garage sale....
oh and that's 100 cfa per glass (.20) not $100! :)

MAF multi family garage sale

My good friend Susan and her daughter Audrey.

Evie smevie as we call her.

This can't be comfortable....but he beelines for it whenever its vacant!

Decorating the Christmas 'plant'. 

Evie knew exactly where to put the candy cane!

Peppermint patties anyone?

Fellowship Day with all the MAF staff.

Abdouleye and his wife Arabe and daughter Merilee
(yes, they named her after moi!)

Paparazzi Phil took this pic of me. Au naturel.

Sweet Evie, 4 months old and already cut two bottom teeth!

Whiskers getting snuggly with Kailtyn's homework.

Whiskers highjacked the bib. :)

Where Phil spent 3 nights this past week....in a village in Eastern Chad.

Lily having a reading break...in the doll bed. 

Phil pulling out all the stops to fix this fan for two single
 ladies living in a remote village in Eastern Chad. He told me he
was desperate enough to use the leatherman and the swiss army knife
in tandem which he said was usually a no-no! A guy thing?

Kaitlyn at her Bestie Anna's birthday party....sporting their 'high tea' hats.

Perhaps I should buckle her up from now on?
Although she seemed quite happy half in her chair and half on the floor!

Lily and Kaitlyn showing off their hats they made and the change purses
 they got from one of the ladies that Phil fixed things for during his 4 day trip out East.

Christmas crafting for Kaitlyn's school mates.
Snowman pencils.

More Christmas crafting....Monster Book Corners.