Today was a day that i won't forget for a long while. God met me exactly where i was. In church we sang a song today that narrated what i needed to do....
I am going to the river,
bringing sins i cannot bear,
Come and lead me, lead me closer
Lord i need to meet you there.
Precious Jesus, I am ready
to surrender every care,
take my hand now, lead me closer
Lord i need to meet you there.
Wow. For too long, i have ignored some things in my life that were not edifying to my life, my marriage and my walk with God. It is so easy to think, oh this won't make a difference, it won't affect things.....but before i knew it, i had slipped down a slippery slope and things were all out of whack in so many areas. It is truly amazing what happens to ones life when left to run it all on their own. God is much better at running things than me. Why is so hard to let him do that though? Surrender it all. The more times i 'try hard', the more times i fail. What i need is to stop trying to heal myself but let the Great Physician heal my 'sin disease' as my pastor stated today.
I am still baffled at why God puts up with my crap. So many times choosing other things, people, tasks over Him, standing Him up for worthless things....i know satan uses that to make me think i can never be forgiven...i have to remind myself of His unending forgiveness and ask for it. Pride swallowing times for sure.
At church today, i felt convicted, but right after that, i felt hope and excitement for the future. Now i knew that was from God....He is amazing at lifting me up right after i fall down. I am so thankful for a God of second chances, He still loves me (why??) and i am determined to love him back like he wants me to. Easier said than done. But i have Hope. Grace. Forgiveness. New mercies each morning. A promise from God who said he will never leave me or forsake me.
Here's to a new beginning.
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