Thursday, April 12, 2018

Long awaited return to Chad

So, we rolled off the plane into a warm 31 degrees (we left Toronto when it was -10!!) and it was surprising how it felt like coming home. The sights, smells, sounds and language felt familiar and we could both feel the excitement inside as we embarked on this two year journey in Chad. I think we both wondered how it would feel when we first arrived but those thoughts were answered quickly with a deep sense of familiarity.
Of course, despite this feeling more like home than we thought, still we have butchered our way through French (ok, well, maybe that is just me...Phil's French is great!), needed to relearn to drive these crazy streets, become familiar with the prices and currency again (cash only....I am missing debit!!) and meet the new families on our team and all the new faces that have arrived in Chad during our time back in Canada. It has been so amazing to reconnect with good friends and I look forward to deepening those friendships as we journey together in this challenging country.
Phil has been up in the plane several times, not flying but sitting in the right seat, observing and becoming familiar with the new navigation system that was put in the plane while we were back in Canada. He has been studying like crazy for his flight evaluation next week and then after that, he will resume his regular flying.
The girls have enjoyed being back at school (well, maybe not the homework part!) and have some great kids to play around with. Kaitlyn and Lily are the oldest on the compound but that doesn't stop them from having a lot of fun with all the littles who want to be a part of their make believe games and pool fun. Kaitlyn is hoping to gain some babysitting experience over the next two years and there are plenty of kids to practise on here! :)
Thanks for your prayers and thoughts and well wishes...we have felt super supported throughout our time back in Canada and that has continued as we returned back to Chad. Looking forward to posting more stories and recipes and anything else on my mind that is of importance to stay connected with you all.
Here is a p bit of a photo montage of our first couple of weeks...
Over 50 kids attended the Homeschool week (mid March) at Wellspring Academy

Evie watching Phil work his magic on the grass (precious grass!!)
Sand pit fun!

About to take the plunge in our little compound pool

Ladies Bible study at my house! 22 of us smooshed in!
Stayin' cool on a HOT day

Teaching Sunday school... it's outside and we try to stay in the shade!

Whiskers looking for some alone time...Evie's not having any of it!

I think they could maybe fit one more thing in there...haha!

MAF Beauties

Amazing friends, hard goodbyes as they leave for at least 2 years

Saturday, September 16, 2017

Happy (belated) 3rd Birthday Evie!

My baby isn't really a baby anymore....of course she will always be the baby of the family...but she is growing up in so many ways! We love her to bits...despite her toddler antics...she is a vibrant personality who knows exactly what she wants and most of the time wants to do everything by herself! Independent, sweet, silly, and with a fiery's hard to imagine our family without her.

Here are some things we want to remember about Evie at this age:

- Evie loves her plethora of muslin blankets...doesn't matter which one she takes to long as it has a tag that she can crunch up and stuff her face in!
- Evie loves the idea of having friends...and will often call someone she just met her best "fwiend"...she calls her cousins and her aunts and her grandma her best 'fwiends' too!
-She churns out cards to all those she loves on a daily basis..and has an uncanny 6th sense of knowing when I have 'purged' some of these cards she has made...haha
Our little Peppa!
- Evie loves to pretend to go to the splash park with her babies and of course me! She loves ordering me around like she's the favourite part is when she tucks me into bed for a nap as part of the game...a little relaxing time for me! :)
-She has recently learned how to ride a two wheeler bike without training wheels! She can't stop or start but can go as long as she wants without falling! So early for her to know how to do that!
- Evie says all words that start with 's' as the sound of 'f'....for example....splash pad is 'fwash pad'...or swimming is said 'fwimming'...or special is said 'feshial'. Soooo cute!!
- Evie is slowly (very slowly!!) learning that pinching is really hurtful and not kind to do to her sisters (mainly Lily for some reason...poor Lily!) or to anyone! And she is working on saying 'STOP' to her hands before they hurt others. This has been a big challenge for her (and us) but we have been encouraged as of late with her progress towards pinching less and using her words more often! Oh Evie!!
- She LOVES watching Peppa Pig...giggles at all the funny things Peppa and George do...and even requested a Peppa Pig cake for her 3rd birthday (which Phil delivered with amazing skill!!)
- She adores her sisters and from the moment her feet hit the floor in the morning she is asking 'where are the girls?'....much to their dismay sometimes but in general they are really good with Evie and incorporate her nicely (until she pinches them! ahhhh!!!) into their play.
Phil's cake masterpiece...Peppa Pig!
- Lily is especially playful with Evie and will often play the role as Evie's pet cat...(Lily LOVES this as most days she would prefer to be an animal anyways) where as Kaitlyn has naturally taken on more of a mothering role with Evie (first born!)
- Evie's bedtime routine is fairly set (if she goes to bed late...there is no skipping over things!) and she enjoys books, praying, singing and tickles. She usually is asleep within the first 3 songs. Sometimes she will join in the singing (twinkle twinkle) or request a song or sing to me...very sweet. Her faves have been Zacheous was a wee little man, Skinamarinky dinky-dink, Jesus loves me, and This little light of mine to name a few...I just love (and try to cherish) those still, quiet moments right before she falls asleep with her heavy eyelids and her perfect, sweet, chubby face close to mine...happy and safe and content right in that moment with me...I just love it....a great way to end some of those more 'trying' days! :)
- Often Evie will want to be within 3 feet of me...whether I'm going to the bathroom, cooking, reading to the girls, going upstairs to get something....Evie will want to come with me....
- Evie really enjoys playing 'mom' to her baby doll and will often take her for a walk, or put her to sleep or feed her or have a tea party with her....and wants me to be there for all that of course! :)
- Evie really likes 'cow cheese' (the laughing cow cheese), waffles (cold!), coke (a VERY special and rare treat for her), any kind of gum or candy (lollipops are always a hit with Evie!), frozen bananas and blueberries, strawberry smoothies, tea with too much sugar, and for some bizarre reason...Evie doesn't really enjoy Ketchup that much (Whaaaaaat???Whose daughter is she?)
My sweet girl
-Evie is now in a 'big girl' bed and even though she looks so tiny in this big bed, she is growing up so fast and was totally ready for the upgrade from the crib
 - Evie ditched diapers in the daytime in the spring this year...when she was about 2.5 years old...she was heavily influenced by her older sisters and one day she decided that she wanted to go pee in the big toilet and that was that....(unlike the woes we had with one of our other kids where I had to carry around a potty with me for about 6 months while we potty trained her!!) She still wears diapers at night but recently has been waking up with a dry diaper so who knows....we may be totally out of the world of diapers sooner than we think!!
-Evie attends a little preschool, run through our church...two mornings a week..she had her first day last week and she did well! We are hoping she continues to enjoy going as it gives her a chance to have 'her thing' while I homeschool the other girls.

Evie, running like the wind,
hair flowing wild, arms joyfully
swinging in barefoot simplicity.
Love it.
Evie has been through a lot of change in her short little life thus far....back and forth to Chad, moving 4 times since last November (within Canada)...hearing about this 'Chad' place but not really remembering it, yet we talk about it often and our 'home' there. She has struggled with the instability and the many transitions we have been through this past year but yet, is remarkably happy and full of confidence within our family...which has been so good to see. We are so thankful for her spunky personality, her sweet and funny words and all the ways she adds to our family life!
We pray that as each day passes, she would learn more and more about what it means to be kind and loving to others, learn to use her words rather than her fists, learn to obey with a joyful heart and to be a kind and thoughtful friend and sister. We pray that she would learn more about the One who loves her and made her and has a plan for her life...and we pray that she would have a huge desire to submit to His great purpose for her life and that she would grow in wisdom and knowledge of her Creator.

We absolutely LOVE Evie and love that she is a part of our family...for better or for worse....during 3 year old tantrums or those 3 year old cute moments...we will still love her, now and always! :)

Sunday, September 3, 2017

Happy 8th Lily (slightly...well more than slightly belated!)

Lily. You are a giggly, lovely, beautiful girl. Our girl. You have grown up so so many ways...inside and out. You love to scream and laugh and run like the wind. Your voice is loud (and high pitched!) and full of joy (most of the time)...usually excitedly recounting a funny thing that happened or making up some funny word to laugh at. Lily, your toothy smile and contagious laughter bring joy to our family....we love you!

These are some things that you are into these days:

- You still need to have your blankie with you when you sleep (it is surprisingly in tact considering it's age and amount of use it gets...long may that last! We don't have a back-up!)
- You refuse to cut your hair and want to grow it super Tangled (we'll see about that...)
- You are obsessed with reading...anytime, anywhere, all day if you could...we love it....the library is THE highlight of the week when you can choose more adventures to read.
Lily and her book(s)
- Some of your favourite foods are: Corn pops cereal (a rare treat in our house), green beans with lots of butter on them, mashed potatoes (or any kind of potato for that matter), cucumbers and cheese (mini sandwiches), chicken tettrazini, salt and vinegar chips, milk (litres of it!!), and butter (according to's a food group!) to name a few.
- You are meticulous at brushing your teeth, washing your hands brushing your hair...and prefer to wear your hair up in a braid or a ponytail...probably so it doesn't get in your face when you are running at top speed (you run often)
- You are a skinny minny girl...I always say as I hold her dainty wrist, "Lil, I could break you like a twig!" (just for fun) and you smile your toothy grin at me and giggle.
- Evie has a current obsession of you...she always asks 'Where is Lily? I want to pay (play) with her?' and you are so good about including her in your games (as is Kaitlyn)...but there are times when you have had enough and I will find you hiding...trying to get some alone time from Evie! :)
- You have several friends (Mackenzie and Noah) who you love to play with (and gallop with) but you have to be in the right mood to put down your book or want to go love to be home Lily.
- You have perfected the skill of galloping like a horse (on all fours) and have recently added jumping over obstacles on all fours as well...very impressive...just not when we are at a person's house whom we don't really know that well...perhaps don't gallop around their living room??!!
- You and Kaitlyn are best get each other, you play well with each other and have been there for each other through a lot of transition and changes over the years. I love how close you two are in age and friendship.
Lily would love to be a horse! 
- You were made for homeschooling....self-driven, independent, curious and you have a desire to learn new things...thanks for putting your head down and getting it done (most days) without too much motivation from me. That kind of work ethic is going to take you far one day Lily. Proud of you!
-For the first time ever, you had a real paying job....a newspaper route! You shared it with Kaitlyn (and Evie, kind of). Every week you would put the flyers into the papers and then deliver the newspapers to 77 houses in our area. Lots of work but you didn't complain and ran most of the route...rain or shine (it seemed like mostly rain!). We were proud of your hard work Lily!
- You love to run and you run like the wind, but you intensely dislike chasing games.
- You will often draw pictures or write notes to people whether it's grandma or me or Evie or Daddy etc....lots of pictures and notes are created from your hand love words...whether you are reading them or writing them. Love it!
- You aren't really that into fashion and will often choose the item of clothing that is at the top of your drawer...much to Kaitlyn's chagrin who will sometimes intervene and 'set you right' don't seem to mind (most of the time) and when you do try, you will often use Kaitlyn as a model for how you want to dress. Little sister looking up to big sister...cute! And of course, Kaitlyn LOVES that!
-You still want to be tucked in each night and have a hug and a kiss goodnight....long may that last! I'll take it as I know that won't always be the case.
- You started playing recorder this year and have caught on quickly! I just bought you a new book so hopefully we can continue to learn how to read and play music!
- Your dream came true this year when you were able to take horse-back riding lessons...your little pony Swiper was a good little guy and you were loving life up on his back! Animals are and I'm sure will forever be a passion of yours...your heart is sensitive and compassionate towards animals and you would love to have a pet of your own (i.e: A which your mean mom has said 'No'....but you can get one when you move out!!)...You do have 2 cats but Whiskers and Fluffy are back in Chad. Hang on a little while longer and you'll be reunited again!

Our Lily
 - You have handled major change with surprising ease Lily...heading back to Chad last Oct only to return without Daddy two weeks in Nana and Grampa's house for two months while we waiting for Dad to come home, moving to Grandma's house for Christmas then into another house to rent a month later...then moving again 6 months later to a house we bought (yay!)...homeschooling throughout and not knowing for sure how long we'd be back in Canada for (we still don't really know). We had lots of chats about the craziness of it all and how unstable everything felt and how stress and discontentment can steal your saw me struggle but you knew where I drew my strength and assurance from...we lived it out Lily...cuz we had to if we wanted to make it in this crazy life of uncertainty and change. We knew that we could count on God, who never changes and is always there and is totally in control. It was very cool to see and hear you piece that all together and I know it was God who calmed your spirit in the midst of all of that craziness.

Well Lily, you are a joy to us and we love you...quirks and are growing in so many ways and we love that you are in our family.

Happy 8th Birthday Lily!

Love and hugs,


PS. We surprised you with a Minecraft cake (you were going through a Minecraft obsession at the time) complete with blue jello for the water, chocolate cake for the dirt and green icing for the grass...with some fun Minecraft toppers like TNT and Steve! Then for your actual birthday party (of course we saved it for when we were at the Soontiens farm - cousins - and we had some games and a fun treasure hunt/map game where the prize was BB8 cupcakes...another love of yours! You loved having 2 parties!! Some of the presents you received were: a real bow and arrow, a beanie boo fox, a reading light, and a temporary tattoo marker kit to name a few. All in all, a great birthday!

Wednesday, December 21, 2016

The Raw truth about living in Chad - Part 3

I wrote this just before leaving Canada to head back to Chad in mid October 2016....I had had 4 months back in my home country to reflect on my first 3 years in Chad and this is the last post in that 3 part series. 
A lot has happened since writing this (the temporary suspension of the flight program in Chad and our family returning to Canada very post to come), challenging the very ideas I wrote about in here...'choosing joy and being thankful in all circumstances'.....Hope this encourages you as it has me. 


This simple 3 letter word isn't so simple. I am and will forever struggle with having 'joy in all things'. Seems impossible to me sometimes. This has been the theme of my third year in Chad...another life lesson that God has been trying to teach me while living in the most difficult place I have ever experienced. But, if I can learn to be joyful here in Chad....well, I think I'm off to a good start! :)

I remember chatting with Phil one night about life and how things were going and we both agreed that finally, we were beginning to feel more settled. Chad, our house and compound and work and church and friends and shopping and food and money and the way we did life here...well, that was starting to feel normal which was a tad shocking as I thought I would never get used to life in N'Djamena.

But, despite the ease at which we maneuvered life here,  there was this constant voice in my head whispering discontentment with the way things were. I felt like I had gotten the short end of the Phil winged his way across Chad, seeing and meeting and experiencing some amazing things and I....well, I was on the compound...again.

I would hear of the various ministries people had here in Chad and how they were making a difference to the Chadian people and I....well, I was on the compound....again.

I would visit facebook and see the amazing experiences kids and families were having back in my home country (libraries, parks, swimming lessons, pinterest worthy parties and home decor etc) and I....well, I was on the compound....again.

Do you get what I was feeling and thinking? I was not happy at all with where I was at...even though I felt like things were more normal, doesn't mean I was exuding joy. Phil was working like mad, flying and away a lot, leaving me on my own, and the phase of life Evie was at was just wearing my down and oh ya....I lived in Chad! So, I went right ahead and launched myself into a pity party. (I don't recommend this)

I had stopped being thankful and was choosing to complain and take the glass-half-empty view to everything that came my way. 


How do I get that? I wanted it so bad. I wanted to stop the negative thoughts, the crippling comparing game, the pity party....I am a missionary for heaven's sakes!! GET IT TOGETHER!!! How do I find joy in the mundane? In the seemingly unimportant?

I read and talked and listened and asked questions and sought advice from wiser wives/moms and I knew what I had to do. I had to ask for joy (from the Lord) and then I had to manifest it through thankfulness instead of complaining.

There was a verse that I had read a zillion times before (well, maybe not that many...but I was super familiar with it) and as I read it yet again, I finally got what it was trying to say. 

"The JOY of the Lord is my STRENGTH" (Nehemiah 8:10c). 

Here I was, struggling to make it through my days, wanting to feel that joy in the ordinary but coming up short so many times and just feeling so done at the end of the day. And then I read this. And I realized that it is the Lord who gives Joy and that when you have that Joy, you have strength to make it through whatever you are going through....whether it is cleaning up a juice spill for the 10th time that morning, or doing the dishes (again) or doing the school run, or welcoming a husband home well beyond dinner time.....there can be joy in those things. Not necessarily a happy, big smile, on top of the world joy....that to me is happiness, which can come and go as quick as the weather, I'm talking about joy, being content in whatever circumstance....and this can often be identified in how much of a thankful person you are. 

Are you quick to complain or be disappointed? Or do you try to find things within the hard times that you can be thankful for? I must admit, my tendency is towards the former but I want to be characterized as the latter. 

Good news: We can change our attitudes by: 

1. Recognizing the negative, complaining thoughts and stopping them dead in their tracks before they take root and poison your vision in the moment. (I literally say to myself...STOP thinking that!)

2. Asking God to help us find something to be thankful for in the moment (your perspective has the power to change a bad situation into a not-as-bad-as-I-thought situation) 

3. Replace the negative, complaining thoughts with thankfulness and asking God to forgive us for our selfish, pity party!

As an example from my life: 

There was a time when Phil was extraordinarily busy with work stuff and I was slogging it in the trenches with my super busy/clingy 18 month old and I remember just thinking random thoughts throughout the day like....'He is NEVER home and I have to deal with this beast of a child all by myself, all the time!!!!", or "If Phil was here....things wouldn't be so bad", or "Phil is gone AGAIN...and I'm stuck with the kids and having to parent them on my own, again!"......

I know the thoughts that were cycling through my head (and many others...too many to mention or remember) were not from God and I was taking those thoughts and chewing on them all day, every day and the root of bitterness, discontentment and ungratefulness were burrowing deep...and I just wasn't joyful. It showed in how I spoke to my husband, or how I talked about things with others and even how I acted and spoke towards my kids....I can just imagine how lovely I was to live with! But God being gracious, confronted this sin of ingratitude in my heart through his Word and when I read that verse...I knew the key to Joy was thankfulness.  I wanted to conduct myself as a wife, mother and friend (three of the main roles which encompassed the ministry that I felt God had called me too) in a manner pleasing to God and encouraging and inspiring to others...and to me, thankfulness and joy are so intertwined and such imperative characteristics to have in this ministry.

There are a lot of 'things' in Chad (and life in general) that can suck that joy and gratitude right out of me....but it is up to me to recognize my deep need for the One who gives Joy freely and ask Him for an attitude of thankfulness so I can live life to the fullest....with his strength. 

I'm still working on day, one moment at a time. 

Saturday, September 10, 2016

Reflections on the second year of living in Chad

Ok, so here is part 2 of my 'reflections on my time in Chad so far'.....

Evie was 10 weeks old when we hopped on a plane and headed back to Chad (October 2014). It really is a bit of a blur but I do remember enjoying thanksgiving with our families just days before our return flight and thinking....I'm really gonna miss this. Goodbye hugs, tears and 'see you soon's' and then we were off, back to the place that I really didn't like.

I had one major fear as I flew back to Chad: Would it be exactly like the first year? Fraught with health problems?  A daily struggle just to 'be'? Several close friends and family knew this was a major deal to me going back and I knew they had been and would continue to pray for me in this transition...and I had given that fear to God, and replaced it with hope. Hope that things were going to be way different this time around. Hope that my health wouldn't be an issue. Hope that I would be able to speak with more ease in french. Hope that I would thrive and not just survive.

It has been 1.5 years since returning to Chad, and I am happy to report that it WAS different! There were still struggles and frustrations but they didn't play the main role in my daily life anymore. There were more normal times, happy times, contented times than not. I am so thankful for that, and God's blessing in that way. It has made a world of difference here in Chad.

Leaving that difficult year behind me and pressing on into my second year in Chad, God continued to teach me important life lessons. This year, the theme that stuck out quite clearly to me in what I read, talked about, heard from others was the idea of abiding in Him. I began to realize more than ever that anything good that ever comes out of me, is because of God.

We were talking about this topic at our ladies group one day and someone shared her struggle of feeling useless, and lost here in Chad. She began questioning why God had brought her to Chad as she couldn't speak french, she didn't have any kind of ministry herself and she just felt like 'what was the point'? And then the Lord spoke the verse " I am the vine, you are the branches. If a man remains (abides) in me, and I in him, he will bear much fruit. Apart from me, you can do nothing."

She then realized that her job was to remain in Him. Abide. That it wasn't about what she could do for God, and that there wasn't this checklist of things that if she did them she would be exactly what God wanted her to be....nope....she just needed to abide. Stay close. Fill herself with Him and his words. He loved her just for who she is. Not what she did or does. So often missionaries get so caught up in this checklist of being a "good missionary"...and they forget to actually abide in Him. Remember that part about 'apart from me, you can do nothing?" yup. Without remaining/abiding close to God, spending time with Him, filling your hearts and minds up with His words.....the 'work' we do is empty and lacking in joy. The deep joy that is not dependent on your situation, but one that remains no matter what happens.

 I really connected with what she was saying and realized that I had been putting these pressures on myself to have a ministry outside the home.  A good thing to strive for but for me, it was leaving me dissatisfied and frustrated as a homemaker. I realized that I had to realign my vision, my purpose, and my daily role to first and foremost, abide in Him. Stop trying to do things on my own and in my own timing and start inviting God into all aspects of my days.

My mindset slowly started to change and instead of focusing on what I wasn't doing (that I thought I should be doing), I started doing what I know God has called me to do at this point in my life (being a mom and wife) and also began to be more intentional about abiding.

What does that look like for me exactly? Well, I didn't all of a sudden become this holier than thou spiritual mother and, it was more in the little things, like being more intentional about reading the Word, posting important verses around the kitchen to be reminded throughout the days and to refocus my mind on the things that really mattered. It meant turning my negative, complainy attitude into thankfulness. It meant asking for and striving for the fruits of the spirit to be evident in the way I interacted with my husband and kids. It meant pouring my heart and soul into the life that God called me to, here in Chad. But not doing it in my own strength, but in God's strength. It meant living my life with God as my number 1. Letting Him into every aspect of my thoughts (that they would be pleasing to Him), my work (that I would serve with joy), my interactions with others (that I would show His love), and my words (that they would build up and not tear down). Staying close to Him in all that I do, say and think, letting Him fill me with Him. That is what abiding has meant to me. 

I still have a looooooong ways to go and God is still teaching me that I need to have Him in all parts of my life and days....some days are great and others a miserable failure. But change doesn't happen overnight right? Let's just say that Chad is literally a 'refining fire' and I'm thankful that 'He who has begun a great work in me will one day bring it to completion'. 

Saturday, June 25, 2016

Our crazy first year in Chad

If someone would have told me when we first arrived here on May 10, 2013 at 1 pm in the 50 degree heat, that we would be staying here in Chad longer than our first required term (3.5 years), I would have probably slapped them. 

Seriously, when I stepped off the plane and headed into the indescribable heat of Chad and then further into the chaos and insanity of the 'airport'....I thought....oh my word.....just where have we moved to? I wish I could say it got a whole lot better and easier after that....but it didn't. It got worse. Way worse. 

Our first year in Chad would be characterized by health problems, hospital stays, a miscarriage, difficulty with language, ridiculous driving conditions, pregnancy sickness, major struggles with the heat and also feeling lonely to highlight a few. Sounded like fun eh? 

We left after 1 year of living  in Chad to go back to Canada to have Evelinne, and we actually came back to Chad 6 months later. Why you ask? Part of me thinks ya, why did we come back? There was really nothing good (for me at least) to come back my first year had been tainted with such awful experiences. Why in heavens name would I come back to a place that held such suffering and misery for me? 

Well, I didn't want to throw in the towel just yet, and I wanted to see if things were going to be different this time around with my health and if I could overcome the struggles I had with driving, language, loneliness etc. I couldn't quit before I had given it a fair go. Plus, I knew in my heart that this is where God wanted me to be for this time....and I held onto the lessons that He had taught me throughout my struggles in my first year of living on what seemed to me like a different planet.

Looking back on the 3 years we have lived in Chad, I can honestly say that I have learned so much and been challenged spiritually, emotionally and physically 1000 times more than I could have been back in Canada. God knows exactly where we need to be for Him to shape us into who He wants us to be....and for me, that place is Chad. (On a bad day I ask....WHY not a cooler place??? On a good day, I thank Him for not giving up on me and for loving me enough to relocate me halfway around the world to the only place I could have learned these important truths about who He is and who He wants me to be).

Interestingly enough, 3 main words/phrases stood out to me as I was reflecting back on our time here in N'Djamena, each word represented the theme of the lesson God was teaching me in that year and this is something I want to share with you all.

In the first year, the Phrase that stood out to me, that I kept on encountering over and over in my reading, in my praying, in my journalling and in my talking to others and reflecting on my experiences was that 'when everything is taken away from you, God is enough and God is there'.

 I remember several weeks after my miscarriage I ended up back in the bush hospital (no running water, no electricity, no food/water provided, oh and it was 40 plus degrees) with a major skin infection (cellulitis) in my arm and I had had a friend drive me to this hospital as Phil was out flying that day....the Doctor admitted me right away and so there I was, alone, in the this room at the very corner of the hospital, sweating like a beast, waiting for Phil to arrive and bring me some food/water and some sheets and a pillow. It was pitch black by the time he arrived (his flight was delayed and then he had to sort out the kids and pack for sleeping over at the hospital with me) and he found me, laying in the pitch dark, on a vinyl mattress, in the heat, in pain and just at a serious low point and he said he felt like crying for me. 

I remember waiting for Phil to arrive, and just battling with minute I would be so angry with Him and wondering why all this was happening as hadn't we sacrificed enough for Him to come to a very difficult place like Chad and we'd given up being close to our families and friends, given up the comforts of life, given up nice weather, and being able to wear what we wanted, given up speaking English and having modern stores and roads and given up the only way of life I had ever known......and then the next minute I would be thanking God for his provision of good British Doctors at this sketchy hospital and for the people who were stepping up to take care of our kids for us. 

I do remember very clearly as I was laying in my hot bed during my 5 day stay there, as I was complaining to God about all the things we had sacrificed for Him and why was He letting us go through all of this etc....I remember a clear voice saying to me "Haven't I given up everything for you?". Pause. Gulp. Yup. God gave up His ONLY SON for me, so that I could come freely to Him. The ultimate sacrifice. That most definitely trumped my list of sacrifices. That wasn't to downplay the serious struggles we had been through (and would continue to encounter as the year went on) but it just put things into perspective and helped me to focus more on what God was trying to teach me through it all rather than just complain about it. 

I would like to say that this realization after being in Chad for only 4 months at the time of my arm infection, meant that I was good to go for the rest of our time here in Chad, but nope...I guess I am a slow learner. Many more trials and difficulties came our way during that first year and I left Chad on May 1, 2014 to have Evelinne in Canada and I remember having a conversation (more like me bawling my eyes out) with Phil on how much I hated living here. Yup. I said it. Hope you realize now that missionaries are just normal people who struggle with the same stuff you all struggle with. God was faithful to me as he was trying to teach me this lesson that He is enough when everything else is taken away (health, family, comfort, friends, home culture etc). 

Believe you me, by the time I stepped onto that plane to head back to Canada, that lesson had been drilled into my head, an important one to learn early on, as when you think about it, nothing in this life that we have is certain....everything and anything can be taken away or lost at any time....we in Canada have a false sense of security and it took me moving to Chad to figure it out, but the only thing we can be certain about is God. Who He is: unchanging (that means He's the same God in Canada as he is in Chad), that you can count on Him to walk with you through the darkness and give you exactly what you need to make it through. 

No promises it's gonna be easy, in fact, there are more verses in the Bible telling those who believe in God that it's gonna be hard, and that we will suffer but that we can cling to the One who never changes, who is totally in control, who knows the future, who does what is best for us (doesn't mean He does what we think is best for us)....all of which are such important truths for someone who feels like their whole world as they know it is shifting daily as they try to navigate this new life in a new place. 

So, on October 15, 2014, I, Merilee Henderson once again, stepped off the plane in N'Djamena but this time, I knew it was going to be different, and it was. 

Stay tuned for Part 2.....

(This has already become a bit of a novel (congrats to those who read this far down!) so I am going to highlight the 2 other themes of my time here in Chad in another blog post.) 

Thanks for all your prayers, your support, your friendships and encouragement. God is doing a good work here in Chad....not only in me but in many others who are also living, working and learning some crazy God lessons here in Chad!

Thursday, June 9, 2016

Ideas from an Ex-pat Kitchen: Homemade Spaghetti Sauce

Before living in Chad, I had never made spaghetti sauce from scratch....I mean...why would I when there are so many choices of bottled sauces for a decent price? Well, now that those bottles of spaghetti sauce cost $5 for half the size.....I was thrown into the deep end of making my spaghetti sauce from scratch. It has been 2 years in the making, and I am happy to say that I think I have a winner! My family can attest to the fact that it has taken me a while, lots of tweaking, adding this and taking out get the flavor we all like. I have used several recipes, mixed them together and added some of my own extras too (the kids had no idea that there was so many vegetables mixed in!!!) for those out there who want to ditch the bottled sauce and go 'natural', or for those other ex-pats who haven't quite found the right combination of ingredients for their sauce.....try this one one.....I hope you like it as much as we do!

 Homemade Spaghetti Sauce

-2 large cans of diced or whole tomatoes
-1 teaspoon each of Oregano and Basil
-1 teaspoon of garlic powder (or 4 cloves crushed)
-1 teaspoon salt
-1 bay leaf
-3-4 Tablespoons sugar
-2 Beef oxo cubes
-1/4 teaspsoon of Pepper
-1 chopped onion (optional)
-1/2 Cup zucchini, peeled and chopped
-1 medium size carrot, peeled and chopped
-1/2 green pepper, chopped
-1/8 C fresh Spinach, chopped (I found if you put too much spinach in, you can taste it!)

1) Throw all ingredients into a medium size cooking pot, bring to a boil, then simmer for 45 minutes to an hour, stirring occasionally. The sauce is done when the veggies are soft and cooked through.

2) Remove from heat, pick out the Bay leaf, and then use an immersion blender to blend all ingredients together, or if you don't have one, you can use a regular blender to puree the sauce. Add already browned/cooked ground beef if you like or keep it the way it is and have a meatless sauce.

3) Serve or freeze for later. Serves 6-8 adults.

*This is a very easy recipe to play around with....change up the quantity of tomatoes for a larger family, and just add a bit more of each ingredient. The best part of this sauce is how many vegetables are in it, and your kids won't be able to pick them out!